Heart broken — that is how I feel right now. My heart is bleeding now and it aches the way hearts ache after a failed relationship.

 

My 100 breast swim did not go how I planned it to go and I am disheartened, devastated and disappointed. This was supposed to be my time. I've trained so hard, sacrificed so much, did everything right and was so, so, so ready to swim fast. I guess sometimes things just don't go the way we want them to. I think what hurts the most is that I can easily go the time I swam in practice. I did not come all the way here to swim a time I can go at practice!!

 

I am also upset because my equipment failed me big time! Before my race, I had to change out of two race suits because the first one I struggled into ripped. The fitting was just off for the second suit I put on and there were huge air bubbles in the suit. I finally settled for the third one I put on even though it wasn't the right size because I was not about to try to squeeze into a fourth suit 20 minutes before I was due behind the blocks.

 

On top of suit troubles, my cap came off in the middle of the race. I am not sure how it happened, but all I know is that midway in the first 50 I felt my outer cap (I also double-cap it when I race) flopping on my head, and in the second 50, I felt it come off completely.

 

Stuff happens.

 

However upset I am right now, I know I need to let that swim go and move on. I still have the 200 breaststroke in two days and I need to refocus all of my energy on preparing myself to swim fast there. Focusing on what shoulda, coulda, woulda happenened is a complete waste of energy. I need to forgive myself, learn from the race and let it all go. I gave myself until noon today to moan and cry about my race but now it is time to put it all in the past and not let one bad swim define this whole meet for me.